1) When somebody hurts you, tell them. When somebody steps on your toes, let them know that they stepped on your toes. See how they react. They’ll tell you who they are.
2) When somebody seems too unsafe to trust with your pain, set a boundary. If somebody has proved themselves less safe than you thought, but you still think it’s safe to do so, tell them that you’re going to have to withdraw in some way from them. See how they react. They’ll tell you who they are.
3) When somebody seems too unsafe to trust with your boundaries, leave. If it’s not safe to tell them, or you’re not sure if it’s safe, withdraw from them without telling them. See how they react. They’ll tell you who they are.
A. R. Moxon
Rules of Engagement (The Reframe)